


Bring me his heart

by fire_underwater



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Barbarian Tweek Tweak, Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak in Love, Elf Kyle Broflovski, M/M, Princess Kenny McCormick, South Park: The Stick of Truth, Thief Craig Tucker, creek - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-02-01 05:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fire_underwater/pseuds/fire_underwater
Summary: The legendary thief Craig Tucker is tasked by the Wizard King to cut out the heart of the Barbarian Leader.But when he comes face to face with the twitchy blonde warrior Craig can’t find it in himself to go through with it.Now with a bounty on his head for disobeying the King and dark forces at work trying to start a war between the Elves and the Wizard King, Craig must do whatever it takes to protect the forest...
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	1. The sleeping warrior

Craig Tucker was born in the back of a wagon that was travelling through the enchanted forest. 

Only hours after he was born the wagon was attacked by highwaymen who robbed his family of everything they had. 

Including their new born son.

Craig was raised by thieves. The society of scoundrels lived in the treetop village of the winding ropes. 

Miles of interconnected bridges, walkways, platforms and treehouses, that connected to intricate zip line points that weaved through the forest. 

Craig was taught to steal at a young age. 

His care givers had him preform scams on people making their way through the woods. 

He’d pickpocket merchants and attack aristocrats. 

By the time he was seventeen he was leading his own gang. 

But everything started to change when Eric Cartman usurped his mother for the thrown and became king of the largest kingdom that boarded the forest. 

Cartman and his forces started taking a hard stance on crime in the kingdom and its surrounding areas. 

He would round up woodland thieves and have them executed in brutally disgusting acts of violence. 

It wasn’t a safe time to be one of the wild folk. 

So Craig’s gang began to dwindle in numbers. 

Most had decided to lie low for a while, and took temporary employment in one of the nearby villages. 

They’d use their trade skills, make some easy money and when the heat died down, they’d come back to the woods and work for Craig again. 

Craig considered going with them for all of three seconds before deciding that he just couldn’t live in a village.

Surrounded by walls and rules and knights. 

He was far better suited to his life among the trees. Stealing, trading and hunting. 

The best thief in the land. 

But he had to find work somewhere if he couldn’t pull highway stunts anymore. 

So when the Wizard himself came asking for him, Craig begrudgingly listened to the offer. 

It was an easy job, classic power grab move from the fat king and it would get Craig a decent reward. 

A chest full of treasures, jewels and gold.

“Cut out the heart of the barbarian leader and bring it to me.” Cartman demanded flippantly. 

Craig quirked a brow suspiciously. “That’s it?” 

Cartman shrugged. “Kill him however you want. As long as I get that heart. Oh and, I’ll know if it’s a fake, I can test it with spells.” He explained. 

So Craig set off, through the forest he knew so well that every inch was mapped out in his brain. 

He tended to avoid the barbarian camp. They shared similar values to him but they were distrustful and thought the thieves dishonourable. 

Of course, they really just didn’t understand why Craig was the way he was. 

Everything in their society was shared, they were all equal and important and took care of each other. 

But Craig had to fight for everything he had. If he didn’t take what he needed then no one was going to give it to him. 

Besides, stealing was the only talent the boy possessed.

He arrived at the camp a little after sundown. He crouched in a tree observing the goings on. Small fires were lit by their tents, all animal skins and furs. Primitive stuff but it worked for them.

Small children ran around playing games while older men and women sharpened wepons, sewed cloths and cooked meat over the fires. 

Everything seemed peaceful and no one noticed as he gracefully slipped from one tree to the next, slowing making his way closer to the clearing. 

He’d have to drop down near the largest tent. That’d be their leaders. Hopefully he could sneak in and do the deed without being discovered but he was willing to fight his way through a warrior or two. 

He swung down, careful not to let anything on his person make a noise. He was light on his feat, creeping over twigs and dry leaves silently, before slipping under the tent’s entrance.

It was warm inside, the floor lined with thick fur rugs, a cast iron pot was filled with hot coals illuminating the space with a soft orange glow. 

There was a leather bound trunk of mismatched items, a dimmed lantern hanging from a spear propped up against the wall and a large bundle of furs, pillows and blankets. 

The sheets moved with figure that was bundled in them. Slow, calm breathing of a sleeping person. 

The crest painted on the wall of the tent assured Craig that he’d definitely found his target.

The barbarian leader, right under his nose. 

He could hear the muffled voices of the people outside, the quiet crackle of the coals burning away and the hum of his sleeping victim. 

He unsheathed his dagger from its place on his hip and crept forward, tiptoeing as he lent over the figure.

Holding his breath he gripped the dagger in one hand and took hold of the blankets with the other. 

He released the breath as he pulled back the sheets and went the slam down his knife but he hesitated.

The figure within didn’t wake when the blankets were removed, he simply rolled over and gave a small stretch as he continued to slumber. 

Craig stared at the beautiful blonde boy before him. His hair stuck out in all directions, his skin was milky white and he was completely naked. 

Craig thanked the gods he didn’t tug the sheets past the boy’s waist, though he was curious to see if the large black tattoos that stripped their way around his arms, chest, face and neck, also covered his lower half? 

Craig had never seen a beautiful barbarian before but this boy was nothing short of angelic. His eyelashes were long and thick and even with his tattoo you could see the dark circles that framed his eyes. 

His mouth was slightly agape and it looked as though he may drool. His face was contorted into an unconscious frown, clearly bothered by the sudden lack of furs protecting him from the cool night air. 

Craig was torn between continuing to enjoy the view or tucking the blankets back around him. 

Neither of those things he’d come here to do. 

The weight of the dagger in his right hand suddenly felt tremendous and he had to grip it tighter so he wouldn’t drop it. 

The barbarian twitched in his sleep and Craig flinched, ready for an attack that wouldn’t come. 

The boy was just dreaming, his nose twitching and his eyebrows knitting together. 

It was incredibly fascinating to observe. He presumed this boy must be an active dreamer, which wasn’t unheard of amongst wild folk. 

He stepped forward, a mistake that caused a twig under the fur rug to snap.

The barbarian’s eyes opened and he lurch up.

There was an incredibly tense moment where they just stared at each other.

Their anxious breathing the only noise in the space. 

Sizing each other up.

Waiting. 

Craig snapped out of it first, jumping at him dagger first.

The boy managed to avoid the blade and the two wrestled to the ground. It was incredibly difficult to focus while fighting a naked enemy and it almost felt unfair to some degree.

The barbarian managed to escape Craig’s hold and scrambled towards the tents exit, about to shout for help. 

Craig quickly tackled him to the ground putting the knife to his throat to keep him quiet. 

From the position all he’d had to do was swipe the dagger across and he’d be done with it.

But he found himself distracted again. Staring into two, sea green eyes. The left one was twitching a bit, as the boy struggled under Craig’s weight.

He was glaring ferociously, every now and then an irritated tick would escape his clenched jaw. 

He was beautiful like this as well. 

Distraction was his enemy tonight and in one fell swoop Craig was flipped onto his back, the backed barbarian was straddling his waist with one hand holding a tight grip on his throat and the other brandishing the dagger close to Craig’s eye.

He cringed ready to be done in by his own carelessness. But it seemed the boy still had reason to keep Craig alive. 

“Who sent you here?” He asked. His voice was high pitched, scratchy and anxious. 

When he spoke he seemed a lot less threatening, almost like a child. That is when Craig noticed that the boy was still twitching, his hands shaking and small audible ticks left his throat. 

It was incredibly hard to focus on just one thing, the immediate danger wasn’t even fazing him at this point. Not with the pretty and unstable boy sitting on top of him. 

He swallowed, feeling the hand around his throat loosen its grip slightly. 

“The wizard king sent me. He wants me to cut out your heart.” Craig explained, his nasally voice strained, as the barbarian threatened to strangle him.

The boy’s eyes got wider, if that were possible, and he let go of Craig’s throat to lace his hand threw his wild main of hair. 

He tugged on it anxiously. “What?” He screeched, his voice breaking. “Why would Cartman want me dead?” 

Craig flinched as the knife clattered to the floor, missing his face by an inch. 

Tweek was pulling at his hair with both hands, his face twisted in a painful frown. 

Craig tilted his head to the side observing the beautiful, anxious warrior that sat atop him.

“If you pull any harder you’ll rip it all out.” He deadpanned.

The boy jumped, and Craig tried to ignore the fact that a sexy, naked boy was bouncing on his waist. 

Tweek looked startled, like he’d forgotten Craig was even there. Which Craig found cute for some reason. Why did he find everything this guy did to be so damn endearing?

“You’re from the west kingdom? You work for the king?” He asked nervously. Craig rolled his eyes. “I’m a thief, I live wild in the forest. I just agreed to do a job for the king. Nothing personal. I just need the money.” He shrugged.

The boy glared at him. “Cartman’s forces have hurt the forest. His kingdom’s pollution, his stupid wars. Anyone who works with him is a traitor to nature.” 

“Did you know he’s been sending knights to the elf forest? He’s trying to start an all out war!” He continued erratically. 

He bared his teeth like some kind of wild thing and Craig couldn’t stop the blush. 

“Wow you’re beautiful.” The words slipped passed his lips without permission and then both boys were blushing. 

“What is wrong with you?” His voice was strained and his eye was twitching. Then he was screaming and shouting and armed barbarians came rushing to his aid. 

“Lock him up. I have to talk to the fighters.” 

“Tweek, are you hurt?” One of the other barbarians asked. 

“I’m fine! Im fine! Just hurry!” Tweek wailed. 

They dragged Craig out of the tent. Which was easy now that he was reeling over learning the boy’s name. “Tweek” He whispered to himself, as his arms were tied behind his back, around a giant wooden unused tent pole.

There was a line of them near the edge of the camp clearing. They’d tie prisoners of war to them or display the corpses of defeated enemies. 

From what he could see the wood of the stakes were stained with blood. 

Which was gross and also terrifying. 

But he was trying to focus on the people around him. 

They seemed to be unaffected by his presence. Most retiring for the night into their tents. 

They didn’t even leave him a guard. 

“That’s just insulting.” Craig muttered as he wiggled free from his bonds. No self respecting thief could be held with basic rope knots. 

He briefly considered his options. 

One: make a break for it and escape back into the forest. 

Or two: find a weapon and finish the job.

But honestly he was kidding himself is he thought he could kill Tweek. That nervous, naked boy had captured his attention in a ridiculous manner. 

It was embarrassing how easily Craig had given in to such a pretty face. 

He’d have to avoid seeing him again. Clearly Craig had finally encountered his weakness.


	2. Tweek, the elf and the metal prison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Me? Adding a new chapter? 
> 
> Anyway who’s ready for Kyle? This might be a tweek/craig fic but I can’t help myself Kyle is my favourite.

The Elves had fallen faster than thought possible. The wizard’s Army had been stronger, faster and greater in number. They possessed weapons to rival any magic. 

Gunshots and cannon fire still rung in Kyle’s ears. Visions of his fallen comrades and civilians meeting bloody ends. 

“We yield to you.” Kyle’s Father, the true king of the forest, surrendered.

They would be forced to meet all the West Kingdom’s demands. 

Kyle was prepared for his life to end. Public executions of the crown children were common in hostile take overs. 

He was prepared for his father to be exiled, for his mother to be banished and his little brother to face the same fate. 

His people would become slaves or at best lower class workers under the Wizard king’s rule. 

Kyle was tied up in a tent set up in the battle field outside of the his forest kingdom. The royal family was brought there after their loss, then separated. He supposed his parents would have to go and sign offical surrenders and be there to address the people. 

He wasn’t sure where they took Ike.

Kyle hoped they’d allow his brother to live due to his true parentage. 

Ike wasn’t an elf born but adopted from a neighbouring kingdom. He had no blood tie to the throne and thus was no real threat to the Wizard. 

He fidgeted in his bonds, his wrists stinging where the harsh rope cut into the skin. He’d been stripped of his armour and crown and now wore only a simple pair of pants and a white undershirt. 

It was ridiculous, and he scolded himself for it but despite having just lost a three year war, he was more embarrassed that his crown no longer hid his curly rose red hair. 

He didn’t want to die having his subjects see the mess of his curls. 

Then the tent opened and three Kupa guards entered followed by their queen. 

Kyle didn’t know a lot about the woman. He knew that after her father died she took the throne when she was in her early twenties. 

She’d had a few dozen husbands and suiters in the past, but only one son. When he reached a suitable age he took the throne by force and she stepped down.

Her son, the Wizard king, started the war between them and the elves, that had lasted three long years. 

“Oh so this is him?” The Queen spoke in a sickly sweet voice, that made her seem a bit ditsy. Kyle knew better then to underestimate her though, after all her people had just conquered him. 

“He doesn’t look like a prince... no not very impressive at all.” She leant down to more properly observe him. “And those hideous ears.” She frowned. 

Kyle glared at her, baring his teeth which were sharper than the average humans. Elves were a different species, but very few humans would dare call them ugly.

“Well if this is what my poopsie wants in the deal then I suppose it’ll have to do.” She sighed standing upright again and turning to leave. 

Kyle frowned in confusion. What should it matter what he looked like if he was going to be executed? Perhaps they wanted to do a painting of the their victory over the elves. 

The guards grabbed Kyle by his bound hands and proceeded drag him out of the tent. He attempted to walk, to uphold some facade of dignity, but his ankles were bound together so he just ended up hobbling awkwardly. 

He was brought before the enemy army, thrown to the ground at the feet of those who had taken his home. 

They cheered and swung their weapons around triumphantly. 

He panicked for a moment. What if these soldiers were to beat him to death? 

Then a voice rang out over the crowd. Amplified by magic. Kyle cringed recognising the voice. 

King Eric Theodore Cartman stood beside him merrily addressing his men. 

He was dressed in armour but it was clear the fat bastard hadn’t fought in the battle. The metal gleamed in the sun, as did the man’s silky brown hair. 

“We have once and for all defeated these defective, big eared, vermin!” Cartman shouted and was met by vigorous cheering and applause. 

Kyle huffed glaring at the ground.

“Today is a great day for us all! We are closer to a better future!” He droned on. 

“The treaty has been signed! The full surrender of the royal family and these lands!” More applause. 

Kyle winced at the thought of what they’d do to his homelands. The woods were a place of spiritual power, a place where nature and his people coexisted for centuries. 

Kyle had never been to Cartman’s kingdom but he’d heard rumours of stone cities and electric lights. Steam powered carriages, factories where children worked to death and no green land in sight. 

The thought of his home becoming such a place terrified him. 

“I, in my merciful nature, have sentenced the leaders of the elf rebellion to exile!” 

Kyle sighed his eyes stinging with tears. Elf rebellion. That is how this war would be remembered. Told as though his peoples fight was that of an unreasonable squabble rather then a response to danger. 

His family’s legacy would be destroyed, with him as the last crown prince. 

“Along with them I have decided to spare their youngest son punishment as he is not elf born and I feel we’ve spilt enough human blood.” Cartman’s words made Kyle’s own blood boil with rage.

Tears of frustration trickling down his cheeks. The only lives that mattered to Cartman where his fellow humans. Elves might as well have been dirt under his finger nails. 

“As for their first born son,” he gestured to Kyle who closed his eyes awaiting his sentence. “As the crown prince of his people he will face a different fate.” 

Kyle listened to the sounds of the army cheering. “Kill him!” He heard chanted. “Filthy elf.” Was also a common call. 

When they finally quieted they waited with baited breath for Cartman’s announcement. 

“He has been stripped of his title, his claim to the throne and will henceforth remain under servitude at the grand castle of the west kingdom.” 

Kyle opened his eyes, the world drowned out by the angry and disappointed cries of the army. They wanted blood and had been denied it. 

Why had they been denied it? What was happening. 

The two guards from earlier collected Kyle again dragging him away from the outraged masses. 

He found himself being shoved into an ugly metal horse drawn carriage and left locked inside it alone. 

There were no windows inside but the coach was illuminated with one of the human’s electric lights. It was giving off an unpleasant buzz that set Kyle’s teeth on edge. 

The inside was lined with iron. Blocking his connection to magic. 

“Get that elf to the capital now!” He heard a stern voice from outside the coach.

Then he was moving, the carriage bumping along the forest road away from the battle camps. 

Breathing frantically, Kyle tried to pry open the doors to no avail. With his magic being dulled, he stood no chance of escaping the moving prison. 

“Tell me where you’re taking me!” Kyle growled, hoping the coachman would hear him and answer.

He wasn’t met with any reply. 

He felt claustrophobia creep up on him and he struggled to maintain his calm. He was grateful for this panic because the adrenaline enabled him to channel the last remaining ties to his magic. 

Fire ignited in his palm burning through the ropes that bound his hands. 

He had just enough time to banish the ropes around his ankles before his connection to the magic flickered out.

He stretched his sore limbs, eyeing around the coach for a possible means of escape. 

The thing was built like a trap, the door could only be opened from the outside and metal bearings had been attached to protect against barging out. 

Kyle knew he was stuck. He was being taken to some awful human place to be tortured by the Fat king. 

He sat glaring at the metal floor, trying to burn through it with his mind. 

He huffed, giving up in frustration. He turned his attention the the offensive human technology that wouldn’t stop buzzing. 

In one swift blow he knocked his fist into the light bulb and it exploded in sparks and shards.

The room was enveloped in darkness but it meant nothing to Kyle as elves possessed sensible night vision abilities. 

His knuckles were bleeding where the glass had hit him and the room smelt like metallic smoke but he was satisfied with the silence that followed. 

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been travelling, perhaps a few hours. 

Kyle had time to contemplate the future that awaited him. He’d be a prisoner of war. A slave. 

He gritted his pointed teeth and balled his fists up seething. 

Then he felt the carriage come to a halt. “We can’t possibly be there yet?” He muttered to himself. 

He knew that the west Kingdom was at least a days ride. 

He heard muffled voices from the outside and some shuffling before the door opened. 

His pupils dilated and he flinched away from it, momentarily blinded from the light pouring in. 

He saw a figure be pushed in before the door clamped shut once more. 

His eyes readjusted to the darkness and he looked across at the new face. 

It was a boy, around his age, maybe younger. 

Kyle frowned inspecting him curiously, he knew this boy couldn’t see him in the dark. 

The kid was clearly a Barbarian. He had dark tattoos across his face and bare chest. His torso was clad in furs and he’d look a home brandishing a spear. 

Kyle scoffed at the audacity of those humans throwing a Barbarian in with Elf Royalty. 

Kyle watched the twitchy blonde Barbarian get his bearings before reaching into his pocket and removing a rock. 

Fiddling with it for a moment he whispered an enchantment and it began to glow a soft blue light.

“You can access magic?” Kyle questioned. 

The boy regarded him cautiously. “Magic is everywhere.” He said, his voice like sand paper to Kyle’s ears. 

He was inspecting the carriage walls, knocking on them, trying to find a weakness. 

His breathing was laboured, he was shaking and panicking as he attempted to barge down the door. 

“It’s no use.” Kyle tried but the barbarian wasn’t listening. 

He was clawing at the wall like a feral cat. 

Kyle moved towards him and cautiously put a hand on his shoulder. 

The boy flinched away, snarling defensively. 

Kyle put his hands up in the universal sign of surrender. “Hey, calm down.” He said. “There’s no getting out of here, we’re stuck.”

The barbarian slumped against the wall, a look of anguish on his face, his shaking hands tugging at his wild blonde hair..

“What’s your name?” Kyle asked, trying his best to calm him down. 

“T-Tweek.” The boy said through gritted teeth. 

Kyle was surprised at that. “King of the barbarians?” He asked. 

Tweek nodded. “You’re an elf.” He said, looking Kyle up and down. 

“Yes, my name is Kyle, Prince of the forest.” He introduced himself formally, then felt a pang in his heart. 

“Well, I’m not anymore...” he sighed sitting back against the other wall. 

Tweek’s eyes widened in fear. “You mean Cartman... he’s claimed the elf land?” He asked in panic. 

Kyle nodded solemnly. 

“No! No way!” Tweek screeched in panic. “If those monsters have your land then they’ll come for my people next... then they’ll have the whole forest!” He rambled. 

Kyle already knew this. The weight of loosing the war was serious, the forest stood no chance. 

“The fat bastard beat us.” He cursed trying not to cry again. 

“You don’t understand!” Tweek grabbed Kyle’s shoulders and shook him back and forth as he spoke. “He’s going to kill us!” 

Kyle pushes him away, glaring angrily. “Of course he is, we’re war prisoners!” He said.

Tweek shook his head frantically. “No, not just you and me, I mean everyone! He’s going to wipe out all of the wild folk!” He wailed. 

“What do mean?” Kyle asked. 

“A few months ago, Cartman tried to have me killed. He sent an assassin to cut out my heart.” Tweek began and Kyle recoiled in shock and disgust. 

“I didn’t understand it at the time but then I started thinking about magic... about the dark magic the Wizard uses.” He explained. 

“There are very few dark spells that would require a human heart, and only one that would be useful to Cartman.” 

Tweek tapped the glowing stone with his finger twice and the second time, glowing blue magic stuck to the tip of his finger. 

He began to use it like ink, drawing an illuminated picture on the floor for Kyle to see. 

“The heart of a warrior, the blood of a princess, the bones of a thief,” he drew each symbol. 

“Each must be taken by force. Then the final ingredient, must be given willingly.” He explained. 

“What is it?” Kyle asked.

“The life of an elf.” Tweek said. “With each of these ingredients, each of these lives taken from all four territories of our forest, he’ll be able to create a curse.” 

Kyle could see the fear in Tweek’s eyes. 

“What does the curse do?” He asked. 

Tweek hesitated, whatever it was it was horrible. 

“What does it do?” Kyle asked again. 

“He’s going to drain the life out of every living thing in the forest. Every plant, every animal... my people, the fairies, the thieves, and your people... they’ll all be killed.” Tweek watched as the glowing blue painting he created, a map of the forest, began to dim, each of the forest settlements turning darker.

Kyle gasped, feeling like he’d been dropped into icy water. 

“Why? He already has control of the land, why would he do this?” He asked, horrified. 

“Because he’s evil! He’s bad! He wants to hurt nature!” Tweek ranted ferociously.

Kyle shook his head. “No, no, no. This can’t be true. This can’t happen.” He panicked along side the barbarian. 

This was worse than any fate Kyle had imagined for his home, for his people. 

“We can’t let this happen.” He said standing up. He looked down at the anxious mess that was Tweek, the two of them had to escape from this prison, the had to get to the fairy grotto and warn the princess. 

The fairies didn’t have an army, they were a society that spent all their time throwing parties, relaxing in the sun and playing tricks on people. 

But they were the forests last hope. 

“Tweek we have to get to the fairies, with their help we might be able to save our home, our people!” He urged. 

“That’s too much pressure! We can’t do anything! We’re trapped! We’ve already lost!” Tweek said.

“No.” Kyle said definitely. “We’re still alive. We know the truth. We can stop him.” Kyle hoped he sounded braver than he was because at that moment he’d never been so scared. 

A twitchy barbarian and a dethroned elf was not an inspiring team. He still had no idea how to break out of the carriage and even if they did escape, Cartman’s army now control more the half of the forest, it’d be almost impossible to get to the fairies without being recaptured. 

Then the carriage sputtered to a halt.

They heard a loud thud from the outside. 

Then another.

“What’s going on?” Tweek stood up and hid behind Kyle who stood defensively in front of the door. 

“Don’t panic,” he said. “Too late,” Tweek whimpered as they heard more noises from outside. 

The creaking of metal, the door being unlocked. 

“Can you fight?” Kyle asked. Tweek nodded quickly, his eyes trained on the door. 

It swung open suddenly and Kyle rushed forward, barging into whoever was unlocking it. 

Both he and Tweek tumbled out of the carriage and onto the ground. 

Kyle felt instantly relieved, no longer surrounded by metal, he wanted to bathe in the dirt floor of the woods, but his attention was focused on the people around him. 

They weren’t Cartman’s knights. 

They were thieves. 

“You!” Tweek said from Kyle’s side. He was glaring at one of the thieves. 

“Well,” the rogue smirked, “this is just my lucky day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I’ll add more chapters? I have the whole story planned out in my head so I might find the time to write it... considering I’m stuck inside anyway :/


	3. Highwaymen

Craig was on the run. 

After he’d failed to get the King what he wanted, it was only days later that the wanted posters started popping up. 

“Wanted for treason against the crown.” He huffed, tearing the offending parchment in half. 

“This is serious,” Token hissed looking around the pub nervously. 

Craig wasn’t nervous, he could handle Cartman. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had his face on wanted posters before.

He was more uncomfortable being in a town.

He had only stopped in to see how his gang was doing, trying to make honest livings. 

“If Cartman is after you, then the rest of us don’t stand a chance,” Clyde said, sharing his friend’s anxiety. 

As he watched the brunette wash down a chicken leg with a pint of beer, Craig regretted agreeing to take the gang out for the night. 

Though he had missed them, he was still short on gold and Clyde’s appetite was only exacerbated by stress. 

And they were all stressed. 

Craig looked around the pub at the faces he’d grown up with. 

Token and Clyde both fretting, Jimmy over at the bar, lazily strumming his loot for the attention of the townsfolk that David was pickpocketing. 

“Maybe you should get out for a bit,” Token suggested, recapturing Craig’s attention. 

“I’m working at a farm just a few miles out of town, it’s good pay, you could lie low for a while, until Cartman’s done with his power trip.” 

Craig rolled his eyes. Him, work on a farm? That wasn’t going to happen. 

Besides, they all new that Cartman wasn’t going to let, whatever this was, go.

He’d been sending more and more knights into the forest, attacking the Elf kingdom, arresting the thieves. 

“I think you should come back.” Craig countered. 

Token raised his eyebrows and Clyde looked up nervously from his mashed potatoes.

“Did I miss something?” Clyde asked. “The woods are crawling with knights, theres a bloody war going on, you managed to piss off an entire barbarian camp and you want us to go back?!” Clyde was bewildered but that wasn’t saying much. 

“I want you to come home,” Craig clarified, his voice as stoic as ever. 

Token pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “You’ve got to know when you’ve been beat, there isn’t going to be a home for us to go back to, not with His Royal Fatness on the war path,” he said.

“He hasn’t found the Highwayman’s Haven,” Craig countered.

“Yet!” Token said. “He hasn’t found it, yet! But any day now he will, then you and anyone else dumb enough to have stuck around is going to end up hanging from the gallows.” 

Craig wanted to be mad at Token, wanted to argue back about how no one had ever found their way to the hideout, that the secret city that weaved its way through the tree tops couldn’t be breeched. 

But it would be a lie. 

Craig had spent every night since his failed assassination attempt sitting at the look out post, watching the torch light of Cartman’s army below him as they hunted for him and anyone else they considered undesirable. 

All they had to do was look up. 

“I think Craig’s right,” David said, taking a seat at the table, putting stolen goods into his bag. 

The other boys looked at him all equally confused, even Craig. 

“I mean if Cartman is hell bent on finding the Haven, then we should at least be there to defend it, get people to safety should the worst happen,” He explained. 

Craig smiled at him proudly. 

“I don’t w-want to ab-bandon our home either, fellas,”Jimmy said, leaning on his crutches behind Clyde. 

Clyde was picking at his peas, looking unsure. “Maybe he’s right,” he said.

Token glared at him. 

“What? You’re telling me you don’t hate it out here? I mean before the Highway, we didn’t exactly have a place to call home,” He said defensively. 

Guilt flashed in Token’s eyes and he looked around at his friends, all pleading with him.

“I know that,” he admitted. “I’m not saying I’m happy about any of this. I want to go home as much as you lot but... we don’t stand a chance in this fight.” It sounded as if his voice might break, that he might cry, and Craig was almost compelled to comfort him. 

“It’s not about our chances. It’s about honour,” David argued, holding his head high. “We were raised in those woods, it’s our home, our turf. We pride ourselves on being master criminals but we can’t stand up to a few knights?” 

“It’s not just a few,” Clyde said behind his drink. “It’s an entire army that has it out for our gangs leader, like specifically.” He gestured to the torn up wanted poster.

“C-come on, fellas,” Jimmy said. “Stop b-being a b-bunch of pussies.” He put a hand on Craig’s shoulder supportively.

Craig smiled at him in thanks. 

“He’s right, the fact that Cartman wants Feldspar should only reinforce the fact that we have to fight. We can’t just run away like cowards,” David added. 

“Some of us are cowards,” Clyde mumbled and Jimmy hit him with his crutch, hard enough that the brunette spilled beer all over his lap.

Craig ignored the laugher that followed, his eyes locked with Token’s as they had a silent argument. 

It isn’t safe. Token seemed to say.

It’s never been safe. Craig raised his eyebrows in challenge. 

Token glanced down at the torn parchment, his brows knitting together. 

I don’t want to loose you, any of you. His eyes were despondent, looking around the table at his family. 

Please. Craig’s eyes were pleading

He tapped on the table in thieves cant, the secret language of the rogues. 

I can’t do this without you. The message read and Token closed his eyes leaning back in his chair, looking utterly defeated. 

“We go home then,” He agreed and the other boys cheered. 

Craig let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he’d had to go back to the forest on his own. 

“We don’t just go home, we go back to work,” he said, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips.

“How are we supposed to rob anyone if the place is infested with knights?” Clyde asked. 

“Simple,” Craig said. 

Token groaned. “You want us to swipe from Cartman’s men, don’t you?” He asked, irritated. 

“What? We can’t nick things from them, they’ll chop our heads off!” Clyde brought his hands to his throat nervously. 

“So we don’t get caught, hermano.” David slid him another beer. 

“You make it sound easy,” Clyde muttered.

“Well, isn’t it?” Jimmy questioned. “I mean, c-come on, a m-mark is a mark,” he said confidently. 

“Cartman’s knights have weapons from the west kingdom. I’ve seen them prowling around with those guns. That’s technology we haven’t had to deal with before.” Token said, shaking his head at the thought of going up against the most technologically advanced kingdom in the land. 

David shrugged. “So we don’t get caught. They can’t shoot us if they don’t see us. It’s no different than avoiding arrows.”

Token shot Craig a look. 

Unlike the others, they had both seen the west Kingdom. 

The guns were far deadlier than any arrow.

What’s worse, from what he’d seen, you didn’t need to be an expert marksman to use one effectively.

“So we don’t get caught,” Craig echoed and Token fumed at him. 

“Do you even have a plan or do you just expect us to start pilfering from anyone in royal armour?” Token snapped. 

“We pull highway stunts,” Craig answered without hesitation. 

“Since he started the war with the elves, there’s been constant traffic. Carriages full of weapons, treasure, rich types who think they’re too blue blood to walk.” He’d put a lot of thought into this. Every time he watched one of Cartman’s big gaudy carriages go past he felt the itch to stop it, to take whatever goods lay inside. 

“You want us to rob Cartman’s carriages? That’s riskier than just swiping from his men... that’s a direct attack on the king.” Clyde sputtered anxiously. 

“It certainly makes a statement,” David noted thoughtfully.

“Yeah! A statement! You mean a death wish,” Token snapped. 

“Cartman already wants me dead,” Craig snapped back. 

“He’s got a point,” Jimmy admitted. 

“Cartman’s going to try and execute us anyway, I’d rather die knowing we’ve at least gotten something good from the bastard,” David agreed. 

“I’d really just rather not die,” Clyde said.

When everyone at the table glared at him he broke into a nervous smile. “But hey I mean, who’s to say we can’t pull it off, it would be one hell of a score,” he added sheepishly. 

“If we don’t get caught and executed,” Token added. 

“We haven’t been caught yet,” Craig smiled at his friend’s annoyed grunt. 

“Alright fine,” Token relented. “Have it your way.”

The next morning, Craig felt lighter and more confident than he had in months as he walked back into the forest with his gang behind him. 

It took a while to plan, late nights spent figuring out which rout they’d target, what tricks they’d pull. 

But when the day finally came they were all ready, staked out by the dirt road, waiting patiently.

Clyde, who was up in a tree, watching out gave them the signal.

There was a carriage coming, Craig could hear the horses trotting closer. 

From his place in the bushes he nodded to Token who was on the other side of the road, bow in hand. He drew an arrow from his quiver. 

As the carriage grew closer Craig got a good look at it.

Big, metal, a solider acting as coachman, holding the reins, two knights riding horses on either side for better protection. 

Whatever they had in this thing must be valuable. 

Just as it neared them the plan began.

Jimmy jumped out into the road, acting feeble, hurt and helpless.

The knights slowed down cautiously.

Jimmy had successfully distracted them without threatening them. 

The knights looked concerned, worried about the seemingly injured teenager on crutches who appeared to be crying.

Craig was going to have to have a serious talk with Jimmy about his acting. Those big crocodile tears and fake sobs shouldn’t have fooled anyone but thankfully the knights were buying it. 

“Now!” Craig shouted throwing two knives with pinpoint accuracy. 

He took out the coachmen, Token’s arrow took out the guard on the right side and just as the left guard reached for his gun, Clyde dropped down from the tree, knocking the man off his horse. 

The knight didn’t have time to get back up before Jimmy had him pinned to the ground, a crutch leg pointing painfully into the mans throat.

Craig sauntered out from the bushes admiring how flawlessly the plan had gone. Things hadn’t been this easy on his own, he really had missed having a team to work with. A simple ambush always worked best. 

“Keys,” he demanded from the only knight left alive.

The soldier struggled under Jimmy’s hold, seeming uncooperative.

Craig rolled his eyes and motioned for Token to takeover.

Clyde helped Jimmy up as Token aimed an arrow at the knights face. 

“Keys,” he repeated. 

“Who do you little brats think you are? Do you have any idea who you’re stealing from?!” The knight snarled, but he couldn’t be intimidating, not when he looked so utterly terrified of Token, who pulled back tighter on the bow. 

“Found the keys boss,” Clyde said. He’d been searching the dead soldiers. 

He tossed the big iron key chain to Craig who caught it without looking. 

He glared down at the knight. “You shouldn’t have come here,” he said and nodded to Token. 

Token let the arrow go and all the boys looked away as they heard the man grunt as it pierced his skull.

“Moron,” Craig muttered, spinning the keys in his hand. 

“Anyone else think that was too easy?” Clyde asked nervously, shifting from foot to foot, unable to keep still. 

“Worry later let’s just get this over with,” David snapped while he untied the king’s horses and freed them from the coach. 

Craig tossed the keys over to Token who went to unlock the carriage door.

As soon as he turned the key it burst open.

Two figures came tumbling out crashing into Token and Clyde. 

A familiar mess of wild blonde hair was the first thing Craig noticed. 

That’s all he needed to see before his cheeks grew hot, blushing at the memory of that night in the barbarian camp. 

He quickly shook it off, trying to stay focused. 

The second figure was an elf, an angry one, the first thing he did was throw a punch at Clyde. 

It was laughable, both the boys were so obviously disorientated and in no shape to fight. 

They were easily surrounded by the gang who all had their weapons drawn. 

Tweek was looking around like a startled deer, panicking and searching for escape, when his eyes met Craig’s.

Craig’s stomach did a back flip as he watched the realisation dawn on the blonde’s face. 

“You!” He shouted. 

Craig tried not to look equally as surprised, he hadn’t expected to see the barbarian again, especially not today, not here. 

He’d wanted gold, weapons or treasure. 

Instead he’d come across what seemed to be two very unhappy kidnapping victims.

After their last encounter, Craig had wondered how he would appease the wrath of the young barbarian king, to keep a fight between them and the thieves at bay. 

Rescuing him from the Wizard King was probably the best way he could imagine making it up to him. 

Regardless of how accidental that rescue may have been. 

“Well,” Craig smirked, “this is just my lucky day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t made it entirely clear yet but Cartman’s kingdom is in somewhat of an industrial revolution, hence the electric lights and the guns. 
> 
> Also Craig has a Flynn Rider thing going on in that most people know him as Feldspar but his real name is Craig. I’ll probably only refer to him as Craig but others will call him Feldspar in dialogue so I hope that isn’t to confusing. 
> 
> Anyway this was kind of a necessary filler chapter. The plot will actually process next chapter and we’ll finally get some actual Tweek x Craig 
> 
> Appreciate feedback ^.^


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